Divorcing? Shooting yourself in the foot will only make it hurt more


Written by Sabrina Layman


The truth is, breaking up is hard to do. While most people want a simple, amicable divorce, there are a number of details that need to be considered. Even the easiest divorce has to go through the same number of steps as a very complicated divorce. No matter the situation, keep these key points in mind when you’re going through the process to ensure the best outcome.

  1. Grieve the death of your marriage

The reality is that no matter how amicable you are with your ex, divorce costs you both financially and emotionally. You’re essentially grieving the death of a marriage, and there’s no easy way to move through grief. However, if you don’t tread carefully and take your time, you can end up making poor decisions that cost you even more. And unfortunately, our society doesn’t provide as much leeway if you make poor decision as a divorcée compared to if you’re a widow or widower. So, grant yourself permission to grieve and take as much time as you need.

  1. Eat your peas, but slowly

Most would tell you to eat your peas fast, getting them out of the way so you can enjoy the rest of your plate. Well, divorce goes down a lot tougher than peas, but it’s important you don’t rush through the process. When re-writing your life story, take it slow, carefully plan your next steps and don’t close the chapter in haste. What does your future look like? Where do you want to live? How are you going to raise your kids? Work through these questions with your attorney and, when things start to feel overwhelming, take a step back to avoid making rushed decisions you’ll inevitably regret.

  1. You break the stool, you buy it

Just like a three-legged stool with one shorter leg is a little tippy, each of your finance legs need to be even to ensure your financial independence and stability. Emotions run high during a divorce and can quickly impact your financial decisions. Frankly, you’re not a good decision maker when you’re sad, angry, or anxious. Put your emotions aside and keep your mind on your money at all times. Our job is to work with you, dissecting everything from your retirement fund to real estate investments, in order to safeguard your financial well-being.

  1. General rule of thumb: you’re not a Kardashian

As much as you may want to live your life out loud, this isn’t a reality TV show on E! It’s best not to let your emotions lead the way and it’s never a good idea to show up at your ex’s house, talk to your kids about his or her infidelity, or blast your ex on social media. All of these knee-jerk, dramatic, and emotion-fueled choices will come back to haunt you. Suppress the urge to act out by taking a break, sleeping on it, and coming back to your reality with a clearer mind and more positive outlook.

  1. Two sets of eyes are better than one

If you just can’t rationalize hiring an attorney, then at the very least, have one look over your final documents before they’re signed. It will be the best money you spend. There are many components that get forgotten and attorneys make a pretty penny fixing self-managed divorces after they’ve already been filed.

It can seem like everyone and their mothers have an opinion about how you should go about the divorce process, making it feel overwhelming. However, it’s often misconceptions that circulate with more frequency, rather than sound advice. It’s important to find an attorney that understands each case is unique, takes the time to get to know you, listens to your needs, fits services accordingly, and ultimately helps alleviate the stress. We will work with you every step of the way, asking the right questions to help you get your life back to a more peaceful and positive, optimistic place.